I woke up angry today, which is a thing that happens sometimes when I come off of an exhausting week where I don’t have (or make) enough time for myself.
I was angry that I agreed to make an announcement at church (which meant I couldn’t skip it), angry that I had to prep for school/work, angry that I still hadn’t washed my hair, angry that I needed to wash clothes, angry that I made plans with a friend.
Oh, and angry at the state of the world, too, of course.
It turns out having that commitment at church turned out to be a good thing. First, I always do better around other people, even when I’m kind of crabby to start. I had to turn on some charm for the announcement since I was supposed to be enthusiastic. Then, this line from the call to worship helped: “Be joyful though you have all the facts.” Because sometimes I need a reminder that joy is an act of resistance. [That line, btw, is from a Wendell Berry poem.] And, of course, the sermon was thoughtful and also helped get me out of my head.
So that helped. And then I was crabby again.
But I got home and made a to-do list. To-do lists help me organize my thinking and see exactly what I have to do. That, in turn, makes the day less hectic because I can see how to manage each task. Then I took a nap.
I was angry when I woke up, but that’s just because I wanted to sleep longer.
Then, I met my friend and we had a good talk about making space for ourselves, and I was able to admit that part of my crabbiness/anger was that I hadn’t had enough time to do things that sustain me. Or to relax. And once we were done, I did some prep for class because I knew that would help me feel better and I got pizza for dinner instead of worrying about what to cook and I washed my hair. And I’m going to finish writing this and then write my post for tomorrow, and then I’m going to bed.
I still feel a little disconnected, but I do feel better than I did this morning. The anger, for now at least, is gone.
11 thoughts on “I woke up like this #sol17”
Sometimes, we get angry at the situation, then when we get into the situation, it’s not all that bad. I’m glad, as the day went on, you were able to work through that stuff that created that emotion.
Thank you for sharing this slice with us! We all need to learn that some days, it’s all about coping! 🙂
I am glad you are able to make some time, get some things off your list, and identify your feeling and the root cause. Hopefully you wake up more joyful.
Joy with intent — I like that sentiment. Thanks for sharing that Wendell Berry bit.
People hate it, but the fake it ’til you make it thing is true. Did you know that you can trick your brain into thinking that you’re happy by smiling? It’s weird shit.
This is a chronic Sunday problem for me. Even though I don’t have to be as physically present in a workplace since I quit my job last year, I still get angry that the me time is coming to something of a close, and generally that feeling of being overwhelmed creeps in and makes me crabby. I’m glad making a to-do list and wrapping your head around the immediate priorities helped. And naps. Gotta love naps! I hope you’re having a good week! I’m off to my very last night class of the quarter, and it’s about damn time.
Oh, you’re on a quarter system, which probably doesn’t help at all. We do semesters so there’s a bit of a break there.
I remember one year was particularly bad for the anger, so I really had to dig into self-care but also just feeling the anger so I can move past it.
I’m glad your quarter is coming to an end so you can have more me time.
Aw, I’m glad you were able to cope on your angry day. Sometimes I’ll have an angry day where the only cure for it is sulking in the dark by myself, and other times I really need to get out and do activities. Always tough to know which one you’ve got!
I think there is something powerful in that you own your anger. I just think of all these people out here so quick to condemn Black women’s anger (case in point: me) rather than realizing it’s a regular emotion just like all the others (I think I might have said something to that extent to my son). Glad it worked out and I love that Wendell Berry line about joy. Yes!
OMW! You were in my head over the weekend! That felt like a script. Lots of stuff going on in my life at the moment and more than anything I just want to run away for a week and write, finish up this one project I’m working on. But it seems like every 20 minutes I have to stop what I’m doing and tend to someone/thing else. And I feel angry all the time. In fact, I’ve actually been toying with the idea of going to see someone about it. I guess I’m not really sure what all is going on in me… So glad you stopped by my blog!
There was a point when I did have to see someone about it — I was irrationally angry every day but couldn’t figure out why. Talking to a therapist definitely helped.
This episode was more of a flare-up, and I could pinpoint the cause and make some changes.