I think I have too many books to read. No, I know I have too many books to read. And by read, I mean have finished by a deadline because I am in two book clubs and also clearly hate myself. I mean, obviously, I want to be in these book clubs and want to be reading the books but also, like, why do I do these things? I do not know.
Also, I am having a hard time remembering what I did this past week. Oh, I know why. It’s because I spent the first part of the week prepping my summer course and the rest of the week recuperating. I also participated in a virtual coffee date through the #RaiseThePercentage incentive and had a fun phone conversation and then a work date with a friend of mine. Oh and fun (unexpected) conversations with other friends! So that was nice.
My birthday is in a week and a half so here is some stuff what I want!
ETA: Someone asked how you could know if someone bought me this stuff, and I guess you can’t, but friends, you could also just get me gift cards to the stores and I will buy the thing myself! Every little bit helps!
1. A NEW DESK
Okay, I desperately need a new desk to improve my work from home situation. My current desk was fine when I only used it occasionally, but it is too shallow to comfortably get any work done now, especially since my new monitor winds up being too close to my face. I need this monitor to be further back and I need more surface space for putting books and/or papers.
Something like this perhaps? Maybe this one? Or this one? Basically, I like the clean lines and that it looks kind of invisible and the LEVELS. But I am also open to other suggestions! Because your girl also really needs storage that is largely invisible.
No joke. I submitted grades on Saturday for the end of our spring semester. I was doing prep for my summer class that starts Wednesday, and I could not figure out what I had done in the class before. Or what I was planning to do. What are assignments? How does one organize a class? Part of it is that I’m teaching the class online for the first time. But the other part was that my brain was seriously just like, “I don’t know, man. You tell me.”
I said to my daughter OUT LOUD, “I am a terrible teacher who doesn’t know how to teach.”
I fell asleep then talked to one friend and then another friend and then my mother and then another friend. And that was all after going to a #BlackLivesMatter memorial protest and Target. So what I’m saying is yesterday (okay, technically, it’s still today since I’m still awake from after my nap) was a lot. But it was, all in all, a good day. Just exhausting.
Listen, this pandemic sucks. The worst part is that people are actually dying, which is why we’re in self-isolation in the first place. It’s sometimes easy for me to lose sight of that when I’m sitting in my air-conditioned apartment, sad because I’m limited in my movements. (I mean, it goes deeper than that, of course, but you get what I’m saying here.)
Okay, so I actually 100% hate uncertainty. It is probably one of my least favorite things ever, and this stupid pandemic is full of uncertainty. We don’t know exactly when it’s going to end. We don’t know exactly how it’s spread. We don’t know exactly how long it incubates. We don’t know anything! It sucks!
My biggest obligation right now is, of course, my job, which will get its own letter. But besides actual teaching, I’m actually a little grateful for the meetings. Go figure.
See, the thing is that meetings and scheduled calls give my day some structure. And sometimes, they force me to get out of bed when I may be more inclined to just…not. In the Before, I always had places to be or people to hang out with and the loss of structure hasn’t been great for me. I often spend my days wondering what exactly I did all day–and that’s even when I do have work. Like, I know I did things, but I often used my calendar to SEE what I did and have a record of that. With nowhere to physically go, I don’t have times to physically be places, so I don’t have activities on my calendar and therefore don’t know what’s happened in my day.
I hinted at this in my knowing my limits, flexibility, and even my Instagram posts for this challenge, so I’m just going to go ahead and admit it in full right here: I am a recovering perfectionist.
I know. It’s shocking.
But, really, it’s why I overcomplicate things most of the time. Because I don’t have to just know how to do things, I have to know how to do them right.
It has been easy to be flexible about this blogging challenge, about my teaching, about the 30-day yoga challenge I undertook, about how often I cook, and about how often I go for a walk. Do you know why? Because I have done blogging challenges before. I’ve had to change my teaching mid-semester before. I’ve tried cooking every day, and I know my exercise habits.
You know what I don’t know how to do? Live through a global pandemic.
I hit a wall in week two of the Safer at Home order.
Then I hit a wall during week three.
See, what happened is that I was actually doing too much, still. Too much talking to people on the phone, too much walking around my neighborhood, too much being okay.
So I had two realizations during those two wall hits: I’d had enough. Of what, I wasn’t entirely sure. But I knew that I was exhausted and I felt like I didn’t have enough time and also that I was overwhelmed.
Yes, this is during self-isolation when I have nowhere to go and nowhere (save a handful of scheduled meetings) to be. I had still figured out a way to make myself busy.