I was going to try to keep this light, but more than one woman I know left work early today because they were so upset by the Kavanaugh hearing, and more and more of my friends and people I love have posted their stories of surviving sexual abuse.
Everything I have tried to type here seems insufficient, so I will just say to anyone reading who has survived a sexual assault: I see you. I hear you. I believe you.
I did my speedy quick update two weeks ago and feel like I have been rushing ever since. Blergh. But even though this weekend was book club and I had a work/writing date with a colleague, I finally feel a little more settled and calm.
So, obviously, the big news is that the fall semester started. Things have been going well so far minus the extra exhaustion I felt the past two weeks because, whew, that was a lot. I mean, when I got home this past Thursday at 5 p.m., I fell asleep and didn’t wake up until around 7 a.m. Did I mention I was exhausted? Just exhausted.
Two big adventures happened. The first is that I forgot my flash drive in my office for the first day of my short story class, so only had the poorly formatted Google Drive backup of my first day slides. None of my memes showed up properly and everything was just a mess. But I got through it.
The other is that I forgot to publish my students’ readings and assignments that were due last Tuesday, so they were in a panic and I had to completely readjust what we did in class that day. I also made this meme to apologize for my screw up:
‘Cause even when I’m a mess / I still put on a vest / with an S / on my chest
I kind of hate that “Superwoman” by Alicia Keys is the first song that popped into my head for this prompt because I’m trying to move away from that “I do everything all by myself” as a symbol of pride thing, but also…I do a lot of stuff every day for my family by myself, so. Here we are.
Did I mention this used to be my ring tone? Anyway, I had no idea there was an official video for this song, and I have no idea how I missed that.
Once, when my daughter was four, I participated in a six-week program at my undergraduate institution. It involved staying on campus overnight because not only did we participate in special classes but also field trips. I called my daughter every single day and visited her on the weekends. She was also staying with her paternal grandparents who she loved and trusted.
One day, after the program was over, I was dropping her off at daycare, and she asked me where I was going. When I said “School,” she burst into tears and begged me not to leave her.
I couldn’t understand why she was so upset. I mean, I took her to daycare every day. I went to school twice a week. But then I remembered that the last time I went to school was during that program. So for my daughter, school no longer meant something I did for a couple of hours before picking her up at the end of the day–school now meant I was leaving her and she didn’t know how long I would be gone or when I would be back.
As I think about the children being separated from their families at the US border, I feel sick. I am talking seriously, physically ill. When I contacted my reps, the whole time I felt like I was going to vomit. And since then, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about my daughter who was traumatized by my leaving her when she knew exactly where I was, knew when I would be back, was with people who she knew and loved, talked to me every day, and was safe and well taken care of.
I was going to say I missed posting yesterday because I fell asleep. While that’s half-true, it’s (obviously) not the whole truth. I fell asleep, yes, but I also spent all day overthinking my answer to the Day 17 prompt: The song you’d choose if your life depended on singing every lyric/adlib.
The obvious answer is “Vision of Love” by Mariah Carey, but I didn’t want to use that because it was also my answer for Day 3 (a song that makes you feel like you can sing). But, like I said on Twitter, just like Mariah does in the video, I sing allllll the parts. So. There you go.
I thought I knew the answer to this when the prompt was first posted, but then. Then, one particular song came on more than once in the past week, and I promptly started dancing–even though I was at work functions. I mean, I did the Mindy chair dance, but still.
Did I mention I was at work functions? Both times?
I have been participating in Naima’s Black Music Month 30 Day Music Challenge over on Twitter, and it just occurred to me this morning that I should have been posting my answers on my blog the whole time. First of all, I have posted more than one song for almost every single prompt. I mean, I basically have a playlist for each one. Secondly, the 280-character limit on Twitter has been killing me. Surprising no one, I usually have quite a bit to say about my choices, and yet I have not been doing that because TWITTER. What have I been thinking??? The end of the semester makes me stupid, I guess.
Anyway, I have decided that FROM NOW ON, I will post all of my answers here, and–if I have time–I’ll do backdated posts with my previous answers (which you can see here). It’s really the only way.